The Power of Showing Up: Building Meaningful Connections

Aric Bostick: Jerry,
Jerry, everybody.
Give it more love for Jerry.
Give it a little more love.
Everybody give me two claps.
Two claps.
Two claps.
One clap.
Two claps.
Half claps.
That's why I'm here today.
Do me a favor.
High five the person on your left and right.
Say, I'm glad you're here.
Now with a fist bump, say,
thanks for showing up.
Thanks for showing up.
So it is such a privilege to be here.
About two years ago, I sat right over there getting to attend chapel as I was here to just kind of take in the LCU landscape before doing the LCU educator conference.
And I was so moved by the energy and connections you guys created with each other in that short 20 minutes.
And Dr. Richards,
who does the doctorate program here for the superintendents,
a close personal friend of mine, he said, man, it would be so great if one day you could speak at LCU Chapel.
I said, that is something I would be honored to do.
And I want you to know that I don't take this lightly.
I don't have to be here.
I get to be here.
Who's glad to have a life today?
Who here is glad to have a good friend today?
Who's got at least one friend there?
You see them.
They see you in the hallway.
You go, I'm sorry.
if you've got at least one of those give me an oh yeah if you got about five of those give me an oh
yeah if you'd like to make five more of those today give me an oh yeah because what i go around the
country doing is teaching the power of showing up the power of relationships how to make connections
and there's actually a science to how we show up for each other that actually wires the neural
pathways of your brain and helps you feel a connection i got to meet at least about 25 or
30 of you today and each one of you,
I did some things to create connection instantly.
I even have
a show up plan in my pocket.
I've actually thought I have a game plan every day that I leave the house,
every day I leave a hotel about how I'm going to be.
You know, you come to college thinking about
what you want to do.
You think about what you want to do with your life and we become a human doing.
But the end of the day is who do you want to be?
How do you want to make others feel?
Because that is what changes lives.
I'm in the life-changing business.
And whatever job you end up doing in life,
from accounting to teaching,
you're actually changing lives by your presence.
As a former high school teacher, I used to tell my students,
my goal is to be a sunshine butter knife,
spread and raise a light.
That every day I go with a smile and connection that I'm trying to impact those around me.
me.
When I go to the grocery store,
when I walk through the security at TSA and they want to be
pat down, I say,
enjoy the show.
And I'm just walking in thinking that this is my day to get
to be me.
So I'm going to jump off this stage just for a second because connection is also about
proximity.
It's the reason why you come to chapel because when we're close to each other,
when two
or more are there gathering in his name,
there's a different feeling.
Who here comes to chapel
because of how it makes you feel.
If you do, say, oh, yeah.
And at the end of the day, you probably feel what I teach educators and school leaders
as well as corporate people,
which is what all humans need.
This is from Dr.
Dan Siegel, one of the learning neuroscientists on the planet,
is to feel safe.
It's okay to be you.
It's okay to be you.
I met AJ today,
Armando James,
okay?
And I told him that's my initials too.
I'm Aric with a Aric Jerome
And so what I know about
Armando James and everybody that I met
Today is everyone here has a story
That when you walked in today
There's something that you're carrying
There's something that you're coming in with
And that's why it's so
Important to be prepared
To how you're going to show up for somebody else
I'm a child of an 8th grade dropout
Alcoholic, an emotionally stable mother
Told me I was no good, threatened to take her life
before I went to school, my ninth grade year,
but did that from time I was six to 12 more times
than I can count.
I'm a six on the adverse child experience test.
That means I'm seven times more likely
to become an alcoholic like my dad,
10 times more likely to ingest street drugs like he did,
or 12 times more likely to attempt suicide like she did.
But today, by the grace of God
and a few people that made a difference in my life,
I stand here before you from a broken home,
but I'm not broken.
that when I connect with Kal-El and Isaac over here,
and I learn the stories behind their names,
that when I find a way to make a connection,
actually what they're excited about,
like these young ladies who can't wait for Dancing with Stars tonight,
when I find out about the baseball team,
the skunks versus the who's, I don't know who they are,
The fact that there's a team of people here in your corner makes all the difference.
And when I get to know you and you get to know each other, we help each other feel what's called seen.
That means feels felt like I got you.
I get you.
Who's got one friend that I got you?
Who's got one friend that you can call them with the worst,
the worst attitude and mood and complaint and whining and upset.
And they listen and don't make you wrong.
Y'all leave one of those to give me an oh yeah.
As college students, if you come here just to get your degree,
you will miss the point of all this.
The goal is to come here to be the best version of you,
to build connection in a way that it will last maybe a lifetime,
and create a foundation of support that leads to something that's called security.
But all humans need is a sense of security,
and the science shows that if you have at least one person who shows up for you in such a way that makes you feel safe,
seen,
and supported,
you have emotional security.
But some of you, probably like myself,
don't always feel secure.
When you come from my background,
you have what's known as developmental trauma and insecure attachment.
Nearly half the population suffers from insecure attachment.
Our parents are the best they could,
and a good enough parent,
the ones that help a child feel secure,
is they're consistently loving, caring, kind, thoughtful,
responsive to your needs.
But not all parents do that,
sadly,
because maybe their parents didn't do that for them.
But some people like me who are anxiously attached,
this is where your parent sometimes shows up and sometimes doesn't.
Sometimes they believe in you, sometimes they don't.
Sometimes they're highly critical,
and sometimes they praise you.
And it leads you to sometimes needing constant reassurance that you're okay.
And every human,
when they walk into a new room,
is literally asking the questions,
Am I worthy?
Are others trustworthy?
Another way of saying, Am I okay?
Are you okay?
some of us have parents who didn't let us feel our feelings
and they kind of gave you your cry
and I'll give you something to cry about
and so we stuff our feelings
we're more emotionally distant
and we didn't know it's okay to feel our feelings
and so we hold ourselves back
and some of us have gone through some trauma or abuse
like I did and we have what's called disorganized attachment
that means you have a little bit of anxious
a little bit of avoidant
and you never know what's going to work that day
and all of this is contingent
on the relationship from your early caregivers.
They're your first programmers.
But through relationship,
we actually can heal the neural pathways of our brain.
Not alone.
With each other.
Your theme,
your motto on this campus is so beautiful.
We walk with you.
And my mission today is to say,
let's walk together.
Let's walk together.
And let's not come to chapel to get fed
and get blessed for us to feel good?
Let's be like a moth to a flame,
like a maggot to a metal,
like a heat-seeking missile to come here and say,
who can I bless today?
Can I come into chapel and meet two or three new people?
Raise your hand if I introduce myself to you.
And I will tell you, if I had more time,
I would have tried to get to every single person.
And is it awkward?
Does it feel weird at times?
Absolutely.
But every single person I shook a hand with,
They smiled.
They lit up.
And I actually practiced a few cues and conversation skills that Dr. Vanessa Van Edwards talks about.
She's a science of people expert.
I had a mission to help you feel safe and feel seen and feel supported.
And so I said, what's your name?
And many of you have got the story behind your name.
I said your name a couple times so I could remember it.
And if I didn't get it, I'll ask it a third time.
Who here loves someone who knows your name?
Dale Carnegie says, the sweetest sound in any language is our own name.
And there's a story behind everybody's name here.
I'm Eric with an A.
My parents wanted a girl.
My mom had a girl's name picked out.
The disappointment ensued.
And for three days, I had no name.
And my 10-year-old brother was asked to name his little brother out of a name book on the way to school one morning.
That's how I became Aric with an A.
He didn't get very far in the book.
Short ride to school.
I got to go.
But I'm so grateful to be Aric with an A.
And to meet Armando with an A.
And to meet Isaac and Kalel and Bailey and Juan and Jenna and Noah and Victor.
Did you know everybody here has a name with a story behind it?
And when you know it, and now you can say it,
and you can see them in the hallway at the Starbucks,
in the building, in the quad.
And all of a sudden you have that one more person on this campus.
We have 422 freshmen here, 122 transfers here.
I met Nate.
He's a dual credit.
But he's a high school kid coming to your campus.
And he's sitting by himself today.
Your job is,
I think, as Christians and believers,
is to give everybody a chance to feel believed in.
If that sounds like a good idea to you, give me an oh yeah.
And so,
connections built in moments,
guys.
And so,
I'm going to tell you the first one that I practice.
And these are all backed by neuroscience.
First one is basically notify your face.
Who's ever been this person on campus?
I call it resting busy face.
On the phone.
Who's ever had a conversation with someone while they're on the phone?
Headphones in.
Who's ever seen that person?
You can tell they're right in front of you, but they're a million miles away.
But who today that saw me walking around could see that I was in the present moment and happy to be here?
Your smile is contagious.
Because you know, literally,
you can actually dysregulate someone just with your straight face.
There's a great Harvard study where they take a mother and her baby, and she's playing with the baby,
and then she is asked to stop smiling.
And the baby, within a matter of seconds, becomes dysregulated until finally she can pull that smile back on.
And you're okay.
Do me a favor.
Look to the person on your left and your right with the biggest smile like you're so excited to see them.
Ready, set, go.
Yeah!
Woo!
Do me a favor.
If you feel like it, high five them and say, I'm so glad you're here.
Let's go.
everybody give me two claps two claps two claps and the next thing is that tone of voice it's not
sup it's what's up it's how are you good to see you i'm glad you're here two more claps
two more claps the second thing is this we got to show genuine interest i tell you everybody i
talk to put the letters M M F I on every forehead make me feel important from the cashier at the
at the gas station to the clerk at the grocery store everybody matters if you agree give me an
oh yeah everybody matters if you agree give me oh yeah I'm telling you when you're the kind of
person on this campus as a leader on this campus and you make each person know they matter from the
custodian to the landscaper to the person serving the food who here's already got some relationships
of kindness and care with people that do maintenance and work around here.
If you do, give me an oh yeah.
Your professors here, they are humans too.
This is dyadic relationship.
We both need each other.
You know,
Jerry Jerebik,
he has one of the most amazing spirits,
a million-watt smile.
But every time we're together,
he hugs me,
and he says,
I love you, brother.
I mean,
I just,
Jerry.
And makes me feel amazing because of how he's showing up.
I know some of the many accomplishments he had as an administrator.
That's not what I care about.
I care about how Jerry makes me feel.
So when we show general interest and we learn those names, learn our story,
who here today was surprised by my story?
Who would have not have guessed by this exterior with my little orange tie in pocket square
that I had a story like that.
That I grew up on the south side of San Antonio
with patches on my jeans
and I thought Payless shoes were a name brand.
You didn't know that,
that I was a latchkey kid
that had to go to an empty home.
I babysittered with Jefferson's Good Times.
What's happening?
Those are very old shows.
And that I basically raised myself.
But I didn't do it alone.
And that's why we got to learn the science of relationships
so we can be good with each other.
The second thing is this.
We got to make relationships a priority.
I asked most everybody I've met today,
what are you looking forward to?
And he said TV shows,
some said naps, some said stuff they're working on.
But I didn't hear anybody say,
I'm meeting my friend for lunch today.
At 4 o'clock, me and my best buddy are taking a walk.
At 2 o'clock, me and our professor are getting together for our weekly meeting where we just check in.
That I'm calling my mother today, that I'm calling my father today, that I'm calling my little brother today,
that I'm texting my little sister today,
that I have a long lost cousin
that I follow them on their football season.
Relationships have to be your number one.
You come here to connect with your God
even though he's everywhere.
And guess what?
Relationships are everywhere too.
I'm on the road 200 days a year.
I've already done 120 days in Texas alone this year.
And I live in Salt Lake City, Utah.
I'm at the love of my life in an airport 14 and a half years ago.
And you know how it started?
Like this.
A smile.
And then an introduction on the tram.
Say, my name's Aric.
Listen, I'm a motivational speaker.
I get kids fired up for their goals and dreams.
And I tell them to have a little courage.
So I think you got a great smile.
I don't know if you ever would talk to a goofball like me.
Oh,
you're a speaker?
I love reading personal development books.
I said, oh, who are you reading?
And we had like three authors in common.
She showed me her Facebook page with a quote from one of our favorite authors.
And I had my perfect line for her.
I said, your boyfriend's a lucky guy.
And she said,
thank you.
I was like, dang!
But I gave her my business card.
I said, if you want to see the kind of work I'm doing,
here it is.
I put it out there.
You know, it's hard to put yourself out there.
It's scary.
Maybe you get hurt.
Maybe you get rejected.
And seven days later, I got a message through Facebook.
I saw what you do.
I'm really impressed.
I wonder if you would ever want to talk.
I said, are you kidding me?
I think for seven days, of course.
And it stopped.
I deleted all that desperation.
There's no cologne called desperate.
And I said, you know,
I would love to meet you, but you said you had a boyfriend and you're the kind of girl I want to get to know.
So when you're single,
reach back out.
She said, you know,
I got to be honest.
I just got out of a bad relationship,
a broken marriage,
and I have a three-year-old.
I don't think a guy like you would want to spend time with a girl like me.
I said I was raised by a single mom.
And a girl like you is just the kind I've been looking for.
And I will tell you
that if I didn't take that chance,
if I didn't try to see the good in every person,
no matter what their setbacks are,
I got no chance.
we have no chance
and when we make mistakes
and me and my beloved
I make mistakes with her all the time
just before dropping me off
I said the wrong thing at the wrong time
I had an insecure moment
but before that plane left Salt Lake
I said sweetheart that was on me
please forgive me
I wasn't seeing you.
My own insecurities cropped up.
Could you please forgive me?
The answer is always,
of course.
And I got you and I see you.
And that's the reason we have a bond.
And relationships,
all they really are is creating a bond.
And when I know your name and I know your story
and I say, I'm here for you,
I'm here for you.
And when you get it wrong, and you will because we're human,
I'm with you to make it right.
I forgive you.
And at Lubbock Christian University,
you celebrate your faith.
We have the greatest example of all these things in Christ.
But if you just think about it and listen to it and don't do anything about it,
we miss it.
So what I want to do is I'm going to challenge you to look up and be in the moment today and to practice.
And I want to practice before we leave here today.
Who would be willing to stand with me and see if we can all meet one new person,
learn their name,
and then before this day ends,
maybe even have a show-up plan for the rest of your day,
like you're going to smile around campus.
Can you imagine if we had this 300 people
walking across campus like this?
I don't even know you. I know.
And then practicing with certain people,
people you don't know.
And maybe your professor, like if you have Mr. Jerebik,
that you greet him with a smile and a high-five.
Can you imagine if you had actually a show-up plan for how you're going to bring your energy and presence into the room?
And on Thursday when chapel happens again,
can you imagine if you came in here not just taking a seat,
but doing like I did, walking around, and how many people can you connect with?
You'd have a whole campus that is on fire with you.
So,
that being said,
get to know three people.
I'm going to start with one today.
And then finally, to nurture these relationships.
And here's your big challenge for those of you gold medalists in here.
Who would be willing to meet one new person this week and then say,
would you want to get together on Thursday or Tuesday of next week to Starbucks?
And be anticipating.
They might say no.
And you go, no problem.
It's all good.
Well, when you're ready,
though,
30-minute coffee,
I'd love to keep the conversation going.
Who's ever had a person tell you,
I'd love to keep the conversation going?
Man, that's the biggest compliment.
So that being said, I'm going to say leaders stand up because everyone here is a leader on this campus.
So why don't you stand up with a big yes and just say it out loud like you mean it, like you won the lottery.
And then I'm going to ask you for just about 10 seconds to see if we can high five at least 10 people that we don't even know, like get around from your aisles.
And then we're going to see if we can find one new friend.
And if you don't feel like this today,
I'm going to challenge you to do it anyway.
Who do you want to meet one new person before we leave?
Can I get oh yeah?
So let's go big yes on three
High five at least ten people and say you're awesome
And then I'll say stop to get a partner ready get your bodies ready get us stomp those feet real quick
Stomp those feet stomp those feet stomp those feet let's get them really give me some spear fingers
Those aren't spear fingers these are spear fingers
If you can hear me say yeah
If you can see me say yeah
If this is the best lcu class of all time do you know yeah
Jump up on three with a big yes ready one two three go
Alright, high fives.
high-fives high-fives high-fives high-fives high-fives all right awesome all right stop
find a partner find a partner find a partner you don't know find a partner you don't know
everybody give me two clap two clap two
Nice to meet you, John.
Nice to meet you, Aric.
Ready, set,
go.
All right, everybody, give me two claps.
Two claps.
Say your new friend's name on three.
One of them, go.
Live it louder.
Like you saw them in the hallway.
Like you saw them in the parking lot.
Now,
ask them the story behind their name.
Tell me what's your name mean or what's the reason they named you that.
Go.
Go.
Both have shared.
Give each other a two-hand high five.
Two-hand high five.
Say these words.
Put your guns up.
Say, I was right about you.
You are awesome.
Now,
ask them this question.
What are you excited about?
What are you looking forward to?
Go.
What are you excited about?
What are you looking forward to?
Okay.
Do me a favor.
High five and say, I'm excited for you.
Now,
everybody look ahead here.
Say this scripture with me.
Here we go.
Do me a favor.
If you feel comfortable, give that person either a side hug,
a half hug, or say, man, I love you.
Thanks for being you.
All right.
Now, do me a favor.
See if we can all get arm in arm.
Link up with each other real quick.
Link up with each other.
Link up aisle to aisle.
link up with each other.
You can face me.
This is your,
this is our theme song for the day.
Crank it up, Ben.
I want to thank Ben Haley and Ethan. Here we go.
Here we go.
Ain't no river wide enough
To get me from getting to you, baby
LCU,
God bless you. You guys are awesome!
Have a blessed day.
Hey,
there's my Instagram.
If you want to follow me, I'd love to see you.
Stay in touch.
I'm hanging out. Have a blessed day.
Thank you guys so much.
Hey,
Ben,
you guys are awesome.