Experience It, Don't Observe It: The Power of Presence in a Distracted World

Dr. David Fraze: glasses that says 508 level 508 give it up for dr david phrase everybody
now who's here josh who's it's chef that's embarrassing isn't it
wow you should have brought your anything okay my name's randall dement and i'm so glad
my name's david phrase and i'm addicted to my cell phone
i received two texts during that illustration
one from my daughter dad get off your cell phone then for someone who has my cell phone number
get off your cell phone whoever you are i'm like hey i'm about to get the next level
you know we used to think that your generation is amazing you know i research i'm a sociologist by
trade and a theologian and we know that between 2016-17 something spiked in your generation
for the first time in a long time suicide ideation stress and anxiety went out the roof
and then covid happened and we like to say well it's because of covid and all of you were like
cramped into these little spaces and you're you know you went nuts we used to think well it has
to be because of some bad influence in your life and now we know the data the only thing the only
spike in your generation stress anxiety and suicide ideation are directly related to this
it doesn't matter if you're an african or america it doesn't matter if you did well with covid or
awful because you we can't get our lives back in the same way we can't get our lives back in the
same way we can't get our lives back in the same way we can't get our lives back in the same way
few weeks ago one of my very best childhood friends tanya boris stood up on this stage
and her beautiful daughter was over here talking about their struggle and at least a quarter of you
could not get your eyes off your phone and a few of you answered a phone call when somebody was
talking about the darkest moments of their life it's not to make you feel guilty that's normal
in our culture today
i used to yell at my kids for being two screen people
you know if we're watching a movie let's put our phones down and watch the movie
but what i do now is i play the game that i'm in level 508
and i'm watching and it was my wife who called me out and said are you watching this and i'm like
yeah but i really wasn't present
we all have this issue and you're
going to have to do something about it
and i realized that today nobody's trying to sell you a product nobody's trying to sell you an idea
nobody's trying to sell you really on an opinion
advertisers get paid today for time on screen
the other day i was explaining this to some high school kids and some college kids and their dad
owns a company and he was hearing me talk about this and it's something we always talk about in
our youth ministry classes how it's changed from a product to actually time on screen that's why
when you look at something the next thing you know all your feeds are filled with it it's why your
phone listens as you have a conversation and the next thing you know is they're getting advertisements
about what you have an advertising conversation about it's not a mistake they're getting paid
for time on screen and this owner of a company says this to these college students what my
advertisers try to do is create
fomo
fear of missing out
when i was at junior high
leaving uh elementary school the hardest decision is where you sit at the cafeteria table it was
traumatic i never wanted to hear again if someone says dave i just want to be your friend i will have
post-traumatic stress disorder because that's what the girls would say i'm like hey nice girl
over there and i'm wearing my dad's brute 33 don't judge and i'm trying to smell nice
and they're like i just want to be friends it was traumatic but at least it only lasted 40 minutes
and i get to go somewhere else and be away from the stress but this cell phone today the best way i can
describe it this is the new lunchroom and you never leave it nobody cares i mean you know that
deep down inside you're like going everybody cares about where i ate lunch today no they don't
everybody cares that i'm holding up this trophy no they don't everybody cares that i got a ring
when i was in peewee football and it's bigger no nobody cares
but we're conditioned that way and so stress and anxiety suicide ideation and some of you
right now it's so funny because i know some you cannot put it down and i go to churches and i'm
hearing songs like this and i'm like look what we're doing i'm not going to do this i'm not going
and you're like i just i don't get god so sociologically it's messed up your emotions
psychologically it's messed up your identity because you always feel like somebody has it
better than you so we don't have very good grind if it's not easy you do something else
and spiritually if i was the evil one that's what i would do
some of you've not individuated yet and you call your mom or your dad every single day because
these phones we had a pay phone dr boy you remember that we had a we had a pay phone and you had to
pay a quarter to talk to your parents and they gave us a gift of separation but sometimes doing
youth ministry in 35 years some of you are not able to go anywhere without your parents having
life 360 on you
so maybe it's not all your fault because you're not free to make your own mistakes
this is a problem so why am i bringing this up we have a great opportunity
a great opportunity to experience something this week
as a coach let me tell you what happens with this
at a coach at a very high program i i tell them i said
before we go out on the field i'm like this guy has the music everybody else's phones are off
and they play with absolute reckless abandonment when they turn these things off because we have
some d1 players and they get always get pictures and the first thing they used to do is grab it
when they get the locker room and go oh look at this do you see this coach they got that great
picture and i said turn the phones off experience it don't observe it
experience it don't observe it so i've tried i'm not very good at it because i'm sick of running
into trees but there's times that i'll go across campus and i'll be doing this and i run into tree
limbs and i've been challenging different individuals and sometimes i dismiss my classes
and i'm like turn your phones off and go for a walk and they breathe and they're less stressed
this is a week that we have that we set aside you can experience it
instead of observe it i'm going to turn my phone off on tuesday night
and try to detox i don't know how long it's going to last but i'm gonna see how long it goes
warning my family now probably a little anxious i'm not going to check scores
i'm not going to look at highlights i'm not going to look at the scores i'm not going to look at
the scores i'm not going to play my game and i'm just going to stare at people and it's going to be
awkward they're like what are you looking at are you getting ready to die i don't know i haven't
done this in a while experience it so how do i do it two things one smells
you realize what united does this time of year they put those cinnamon pine cones
at the beginning and every time i smell cinnamon pine cones like oh my word it's
it's hollywood
holiday season it's awesome but there are smells that take us back to moments you're going to walk
into your house and there'll be some kind of smell from maybe the sheets going oh that's what
laundry smells like i i don't know what that is and i realize some of you may say i'm not going
back to a good home we'll find something that the smell brings you back into some memories that were
simpler times don't take a picture of it don't catalog it don't take a picture of it don't
tell your friends i just smell pine cones nobody cares
breathe and look around and see the people that are in your life experience it don't observe it
so smells let smell everything and also let those experiences bring you back
my parents have been gone for a while lisa's parents have been gone for a while and i've been
with my parents for a while and i've been with my parents for a while and i've been with my parents
for a while and i've been with my parents for a while and i've been with my parents for a while
we are the eldest so we're the experience keepers and i remember a moment my parents always messed
up our holidays both of them died around thanksgiving thank you and uh we're fine with it
we have a morbid sense of humor by the way so welcome that had to be you know one of anyway so
anyway i came home on a thanksgiving break and my dad was on a rest break and i was like oh my god
he died when i was 22 years old i miss him he was the best man in my wedding and there's so many
times in my life i just would love to sit in a room there's there's two lures by the way that i
had we were fishing family and i keep them and every once in a while i don't think i'm weird i
just look at them and i'm like going this is my dad i still have his rod and reels it's just awesome
but it's been a while i don't even know what his voice sounds like anymore
but i came home that thanksgiving break and i'm like oh my god i'm so happy to be here and i'm
giving and you got to understand my mother she was a elementary school cafeteria manager
she was the lunch lady on steroids she never got below an a on her cleaning inspection in our house
was 1600 square foot very lower middle class but it was clean and i walked home drove in from
lubbock i didn't walk home i drove home we i'm not that old drove home and there were dirty dishes
in the sink and i panicked my what's that and my mother was in the room with my dad on a respirator
holding his hand and i said mom are you all right there's dirty dishes in the sink and she said
and i'll always remember this i don't know how much time i have left with your dad the dishes can wait
it can wait
you were not made to be judged and access life with people who give a rip about you
you were made to live like this and that makes all the difference
so the last thing we're going to do and we're going to make these people uncomfortable
you're going to dismiss and i guess you got to get credit or you'll go to hell i'm just
kidding that doesn't happen here you have to earn your chapel credits you'll be right with god
um
don't run away for a moment on behalf of all the professors they don't have very much to teach you
today anyway so what's going to happen before you leave you got to give five hugs
don't ah me even the tennis players you ready on your mark get set you're dismissed
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